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Entries in House Hunting (3)

Saturday
Jul142012

I Knew It….

I knew I’d fuck something up by writing my last post.

We are SIX DAYS away from closing.

SIX.

DAYS.

So why, pray tell, are we still dealing with the fucking electrician?

The main feed of electricity into the house is not up to code with current standards. It’s not even up to code with standards changed over 20 years ago. It was a deal breaker on the Fix It List. We TOLD them that. They agreed. They SIGNED the Fix It List contract.

So the sellers brought in an electrician (on FRIDAY, more than a week after they received the Fix It List) who looked at it and said the current set up was grandfathered in.

Um. We didn’t ask you to tell us whether it was grandfathered in or not. We know it’s grandfathered in. We also know that you’ve got a gazillion volt source of electricity running under the floor boards of the house that was built in 1964. Basically, the fuse box isn’t supposed to be more than three feet away from the meter and it’s like practically in another state, it’s so far away.

We asked them to bring it up to code – that is was a deal breaker. And now they’re balking.

Actually, my money says it’s actually the realtor of the sellers being a total tool. I heard that she’s lost two other sales in the last week and if the bitch keeps playing stinky realty, she’s going to lose a third.

And we’re STILL arguing over granite.

And it shouldn’t even be an effing discussion.

In a nutshell, we’re losing our minds, me and The Candyman. And we’re waiting by the phone for updates.

I’m trying to numb my mind by watching Saturday afternoon reruns of Million Dollar Listing on BRAVO. I’m about to open a bottle of wine.

Buying a house shouldn’t be this annoying.

Sunday
Jul082012

A Goose-Neck Couch

What happens when…..

What happens when you’re on the precipice of all of it?

The Candyman and I have been in the process of buying a house. Have any of you done this since the ‘crash?’ I bought my first house in 2005. They checked my credit score. I had to offer up my social security number, some bank account numbers. No biggie.

Now? NOW? My loan application was 47 pages. And they still need more information; copies of banks statements, a letter explaining my period of unemployment, copies of our taxes for the last two years, 401K investment documentation. Holy Christ, I feel like I need to offer up my ovaries in a goddamn Petri dish. I feel slightly invaded.

But we’re approved. It’s all good and the house is under contract. We had the inspection and there was some stuff. Serious stuff. And we worried. But the ‘fix it’ list was accepted and we’re supposed to close in 13 days.

THIRTEEN DAYS!!!

And believe me when I tell you that I’ll be sharing the shit out of the house when all is said and done, but right now, I’m hard-core rockin’ the karma vibe.

Like, if I share all my excitement about the possibilities of this house, we won’t get it. The loan will flop. The sellers will decide not to retire. I will for sure jinx it. In fact, typing these words could be the very thing that destroys the whole deal.

Yes, it feels exactly like that.

But then, there’s this whole other part of buying this house that we need to move forward with, assuming the whole thing goes exactly as planned. These other things include choosing granite, sinks, wall colors, trim colors, hardwood floor colors.

Holy shit. Do you know how many kinds and colors of granite there are? Do you knowhow expensive some of it is? Again, I say: Holy shit.

But it’s fun. The Candyman and I both like the Sesame Gold. We both like it with paint color Almond Oil. And we haven’t even seen any floor color samples. What kind of grain will that be? Toasted Brazilian Nut? Oaked Walnut? Oh, the color possibilities of wheats, whey and nuts!

Light fixtures. Mirrors. Plumbers, painters, electricians.

Mi pintor habla español y sólo hablan Inglés.

It’s terrifying. And exciting. We’re standing on the edge of getting a huge chunk of what we want out of life. This house checks off several little  boxes on the “life fantasy”  list of T30SB and The Candyman.

I know that a house is a house is a house and it’s not the answer or the dream. However, when things go well in life, it’s hard not to go in that dreamy direction.

So we’re standing on the edge of this precipice, The Candyman and I. I feel  like we’re on the edge of a ravine, digging our heels into the sliding dirt and rocks. We’re holding hands, about to push off together. I know we’ll make it across. We may land unscathed. I think we might both land a bit splayed and dusty. But we’ll land and climb together. It’ll be fun.

Or we might kill each other in the process. We’ll see.

Couch

This couch may or may not have anything to do with things that may or may not be having to do with a house we may or may not be purchasing. Imagine it in a crushed dove-gray velvet. Can you see it? I can.

Monday
May142012

Smoochable Rooms

So the last time The Candyman and I were looking at houses, this happened. I love that post, mostly because of the fact that is one of the VERY few times he’s commented on my blog (though he reads it almost every day).  He doesn’t say much, but when he does, it’s GOOD! Smile 

So we've fallen in love with a house. It was the first house we looked at. And we haven’t looked at a lot, but enough to use the first house as a point of measure. It’s SOOOOOOOOO cute. It’s so very us. The yard is huge and is a certified Nature Habitat. Cool, right? And Our House has nearly everything we want, love and need. And we’d pay the list price in a heart beat, only ALL the other houses in the neighborhood are selling for $35k-$60k less than the price of Our House. Not a good sign.

A little further research shows that there is to be an expansion of a main artery in Charlotte. While park land and privately owned institutional  land are “protected” from the project and completely buffer Our House, it won’t do much for property values in the long term.  All that, and someone put a cash offer on it the same day we looked at it.

Sigh.

I don’t think our house is Our House.

But it was sooooo cute. Lookie:

Property Photo

Property Photo

Property Photo

The yard is in full bloom now and it’s freakin’ incredible. There are a few things that aren’t perfect, but no house is, I know that much.

We tried not to have love at first sight. We tried to keep it all business. It’s hard though, when there are things you just adore about a house.  So we keep looking.

I owned my last house that The Candyman moved into with me a few months before he popped the question. We decided on the house we’re renting together, but it was a decision we had to make quickly after The Candyman has already looked at a gazillion properties here solo. We knew this house wasn’t a permanent home, though it’s been a good house for us thus far. It’s weird to be looking at houses together. This will be the first home we buy together. How weird is it that I’m doing this for the first time and I’m 41? My parents did this when they were practically teenagers, they were married so young! This is The Candyman’s first house and he’s like a little puppy he’s so excited.

This weekend when we looked at Our House as well as others, The Candyman was getting on my nerves a little. Each house we went into, he’d let the realtor wander off, then he’d grab me and smooch me in random rooms throughout the house. I didn’t want anything to distract me. I’m busy looking for lifting drywall tape, sloping floors, gapping windows and fireplace placement. Exhausted of his antics after the fourth or fifth grab and smooch, I pushed him off and said “WHAT are you doing? Look at the house! Pay attention!” And he smiled at me, all patience and kindness and said “I’m just checking to see if the room is ‘smoochable.’”

Smoochableness is an important house attribute.

Tell me you’re first house house hunting stories. I need to know that Our House is out there somewhere.