True to my word, I'm sharing the first in the series of Guest Posts, a good chunk of whom may choose to post anonymously. Happily, the first Guest Blogger is not!
I met Rogue Bride through Hindsight Bride when we all did a drunk podcast together. The rest is shall we say, blog history. I love this post on how to try to stay sane during your wedding planning. Rogue Bride is a few short weeks away, so probably knows a few things about crazy, right about now. So without further fanfare, please welcome Rogue Bride to The Thirty-Something Bride. Show her some comment love if you're feelin' it.
The Importance of Faking It
With six weeks to go until my June wedding, friends and family members have begun asking “So, are you
excited?! You must be excited.” I stare at them blankly, and it takes me a moment to remember what on
earth I should be excited about. Then I reply: “I’m too busy to be excited.”
If I were to tell you about all the things that have gone wrong with my wedding just this morning, it
would take me fifteen minutes and require a Grande Latte from Starbucks to calm my nerves. For the
last year, I’ve been stressing out over all the details. The baker who wouldn’t know real butter cream if I
choked him with it. The post office that has lost four packages and counting of wedding décor. Oh yeah,
and the favorite Aunt with whom I am no longer on speaking terms.
Before you get engaged, nobody tells you what your wedding will do to you. I’ve been snapping at
my fiancé, crying to post office workers, heart-broken at family misbehavior, and frustrated by the
limitations imposed upon me by my venue. I’ve been treating this wedding like it’s a chore. And so has
With every eye roll, every groan, every “we’ve got to do THIS now, ugh” – my morale as a bride has
tanked. I felt like I was missing out on a seminal experience: Getting excited about my wedding!
Normally, I love planning parties. I adore dressy dresses. I relish diving into details and DIY projects. But
I haven’t found much joy in this wedding since the first month. It recently came to a head when I dove
under a pile of blankets in tears because I was missing out on all the happiness I was supposed to be
feeling right now.
And then it hit me – I needed to smile.
I needed to stop treating every wedding project like it’s an enormous pain in my ass. And, I needed my
Groom to get on board with me, because the moment his eyes start to roll, my enthusiasm deflates like
so many engagement party balloons.
With every project, every new Thing That Must Be Done, I plaster a smile on my face and announce
it in my most chipper tone of voice. “We get to buy your wedding band now! Yay!” “I get to call the
baker to talk about my cake!” “I get to track down RSVPs and have nice talks with my [flaky] friends and
I know some will argue that I shouldn’t feel obligated to be happy about my wedding. It’s a very
Feministy thing to be “genuine” even if that means showing annoyance at annoying things. Thing is, I
want to be happy and excited. I’d love to be the societally-approved Bride who is over the moon about
the whole thing (it is my conviction that those girls all have wedding planners and lots of money). For
me, part of the wedding experience I want is to enjoy the planning process. After all, you only get to do
this once (thank God).
Faking it is not easy, I won’t lie. But it has been scientifically proven, somewhere, that when you smile,
your mood lifts. When you fake being cheerful, cheer creeps in. I have to say, it has been working. No
more tears. And I think I’m finally starting to feel a little excited - sometimes - when I’m not so busy.
Smile ladies, smile.