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Friday
Jan062012

Bupkis and Zits.

You know what I got today? Bupkis, that’s what.

So I’m going to talk about my giant zit.

Yes, you read that right.

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So you’d think that after all this time, at my age, I’d learn a thing or two about zits.

Don’t squeeze.

Don’t pick.

Don’t pop.

Bullshit is what I say to that.

I’ve got a cyst-like growth on my forehead right now. It has roots. I can feel them all the way down into my neck. I’ve had these before, always on my forehead. And I look terrible with bangs.

I have successfully not picked at one these suckers maybe twice in my entire life time. I thought maybe this one would be #3, but I failed. I did try.

The growth started about two weeks ago. I could feel the hard lump just under the skin when I was washing my face one night. I started to pay particular attention to it, to keep it from getting bigger. None of my known tactics helped. I tried peroxide/witch hazel solutions, zit cream, Neosporin and all my  washes, masks, lotions and potions to keep this sucker at bay. Nothing worked.

It did seem to shrink for a bit, only to come back with gusto. And pain. It was like I had a living being on my forehead because the constant throbbing was like a heartbeat. I’d sporadically touch my forehead to see if it has sprouted wings. Or claws. Or a tail.

So I squeezed. I pinched. Stuff oozed. I creamed and sanitized, hoping to keep the skin on top from drying out while attacking the infection beneath. I iced to keep the swelling down. This has been going on for THREE DAYS and still, there is an angry hard lump just below the surface and the more I squeeze, the more it oozes. It is the never-ending zit.

Now, in addition to the something-foul that lies just below the surface of my skin, I have a huge, ferociously red lump on my forehead. I’ve bruised the skin from attacking my face, all with the hopes of dislodging the evil core of nastiness that appears to be STUCK IN MY FOREHEAD.

Last night The Candyman came home while I was preparing dinner. I heard the front door open and I shouted to him, “I. AM. HIDEOUS!" in Quasimodo fashion. He replied with a “Huh?” as he walked around the corner. He looked at me and was all, “Oh! Holy shit. What’s up, Cyclops?”

Yeah, it’s that bad now.

So I have to leave the house. It’s flea market time and I’m meeting some folks today. All I can say is THANK GOD I look good in hats because otherwise, I’d be sporting enough pancake make-up to rival a geisha in order to “blend” the zit in with the rest of my face.

And we all know how good that looks.

One day I might learn not to pick at my face, but I seriously doubt it.

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Reader Comments (8)

My guess is it's a "stress zit", and if you chill out it will go away. Yes?

January 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMom

Thank you, I needed the laugh this morning! This is all-too-often me, except it's usually my chin so hats are no help (perfect hat weather right now anyway...I wish all of mine weren't still in GA). I keep a few used-and-frozen tea bags in the freezer for emergencies like this (and my zombie-like dark circles), and some redness-reducing eyedrops to tone it down before I try putting on makeup.

I've put off getting my new North Carolina driver's license for too long, and apparently I have to do that before I can move the car title from GA to here/register my car here/get on my husband's car insurance. Hopefully that will be done today, and I'm praying I don't get stuck with anyone like the woman I talked to on the phone. Ugh.

Hope your day goes a bit better!

January 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCathryn

I know those!! The "never-ending zits!" They're the worst.

January 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

Ughhh, I feel your pain. I'm a picker, too!

May I recommend something? This stuff works miracles.

January 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteririsira

Lol...I really laughed on how you give adjectives to your devilish zit. I had my share of zits but then I have to agree with you that they are disturbing. I normally touch them to see if they evolved or something. Hahahahaha I really had wonderful time reading this post. Good luck with your new best friend now.

January 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTina @ Wedding Favors

you are the funniest beyeoch ever! I hate those!

January 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

Hey Cyclops - It's called Cystic Acne - I get it too - but on my chin, always on my chin. Thought I'd let you know I had one recently and Jason DeRulo's "It Girl" came on the radio. My hubs cranked it and started singing "you can be my ZIT girl" to me in the van. Meanie!!!!!

It's the swelling that causes all the probs so good call with the 'roid cream (gonna buy some!!!!). I do ice, and ibuprofen and then pile enough zit cream on it to look like whip cream on top of a sunday before I go to bed.

ab

January 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterabby

@Abby - Yeah, I used to have some prescription stuffs from the doc, but I ran out. It didn't work any better than the 'roid cream!

January 10, 2012 | Registered CommenterLouise

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